Managers - I Want To Teach My Toddler The proper Way To conduct His Anger
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I want to teach my 2 1/2 year old son the allowable way to carry on his anger, but I'm not very good at it myself. I have a tendency to yell and throw things, and don't want him to pick up my bad behavior. I've gotten better, but I don't know what to tell him to do when he gets angry. How should a 2-3 year old handle anger or frustration?
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Did you know that kids 'learn' 90% of their behavior before 2 yrs old!! You are going to have a tough time un-training him and re-training, especially since you still have your bad behavior. Do not keep your anger it inside you, try to bring it out in some form and be particular with the habitancy colse to you at that time. Explain to him what anger and other emotions are make a chart of allowable ways to comfort anger, such as Breathing and thinking positively. When ever you see that your child is about to get angry, try redirection. Take his attention away from the situation as quick as potential and always remind your son to "use your words" it is a phrase that gets repeated hundreds of times until it is ingrained into his head. We use our words, we don't throw things. And use the phrase "use your inside voice" to put a stop to yelling. When dealing with a toddler repetition is always key. Keep to those phrases and of course always remember to be a good role model. Children are very smart, you should never lose your anger in front of them because if you do it then they'll think it's okay for them to act that way too. Also remember, a 2-3 year old is very very young, and he is seeing to you to help model for him (show him) the allowable way to control anger, behave in public, and all things else. When you feel you are getting angry, why not do what most adults do, step back from the situation for a little, find something to calm you down (like a dinky walk, a cooling fan, think of a very pleasant place, or a glass of cold water) and come back to the qoute a few minutes later. It is remarkable what a few minutes can do to your perspective. I'd be very particular about throwing things because your toddler is watching Your every move and imitating your behavior. And as time increases (the child gets older) they Will show that they have learned how to be violent as an answer to dissatisfaction and anger despite your stopping the violence now and it needs to stop now. Throwing things is violence, yelling is violence. Do you want your son to yell or throw things at his future house (when he is an adult)? I was that way too with my two girls, I was yelling at a 6 month old and realized how stupid it was and needed change. The most important thing is to be consistent. Don't make idol threats, if you say "don't do this or else this" you Must do that. So don't say anyone you are not willing to do. Which means you must pick your battles to the ones that unquestionably are important to you. Is it unquestionably important for him to pick up his toys? no... Is it unquestionably important for him to take a bath? yes, battle only the battles that matter a lot to you. The worst thing you can do is get mad too, that means he wins. You Must remain calm and tell him calmly that you will not tolerate that behavior and he must go to his room when he gets like that because you won't put up with him behaving that way. If he gets destructive, then you will need to calmly restrain him by holding him and telling him you will not tolerate his behavior. Once he has calmed down a bit you can distract him by playing something separate with him. If he acts like that in a store, I would tell him that if he continues, you both will leave and mean it, leave your cart and go sit in the car, if he still continues take him home and continue previous steps. He's going to model his behavior after yours. I would suggest getting some therapy for yourself so you help with the stress of anger. First he needs to learn all habitancy get mad and angry. When you get mad express it in "nice words" like I'm mad and I'm going to take a break. If he is angry answer it and don't ignore it. If you see him getting mad say I see you are upset why don't we take a break. Or find an activity that is calming like coloring or reading a book. You have to ignore the bad behavior if he's throwing things, screaming etc. If you see him handling his anger in a unavoidable way praise him.
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